I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
