had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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