she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
