I heard we made out
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
