I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
