I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize