I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
