he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize