i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
