You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
