How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
