We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
