You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Randomize
