my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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