i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
His nipple licking is glorious
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