We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
