Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
