it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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