she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
