erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
