i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
