"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
