Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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