I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
