Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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