I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
