Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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