come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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