And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize