Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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