So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
