Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
