The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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