Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
