Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.

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(705): View more from Ontario

last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends

Fav 12 3511 1021
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(865): View more from Tennessee

If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.

Fav 26 4184 2191
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(916): View more from California

i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...

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(408): View more from California

I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.

Fav 6 1617 1025
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(281): View more from Texas

I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.

Fav 8 746 1842
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.

Fav 6 809 1716
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(314): View more from Missouri

Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.

Fav 2 254 417
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(720): View more from Colorado

I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.

Fav 0 85 13
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