yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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