She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
