youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
