It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My pussy is not your playground.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
