....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
