areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
