Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
