I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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