The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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