I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
