Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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