I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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