y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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