please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
