he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I stole a fireplace last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize