Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
