she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
