No awkward lesbian experiences without me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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