How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
