PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
