My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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