So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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