I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
