yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
