I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
