so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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