I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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