I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
