why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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