so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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