I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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