this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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