I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
