i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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