is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
