Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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