When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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