don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize