Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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