the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
